Every time I talk to my roommate I feel my pineal gland calcify and my third eye close a little bit more
Last night she asked me how many days there are in a year and I said “why do you not know that?” and she said “why the fuck would I need to know that?”
She’s getting ready for work rn while listening to the Carrie Underwood song from the Super Bowl at full volume
She keeps hanging this shit up around the house
Last night she was telling me about a car accident she was in years ago and she said they had to use the “jar of live” and I was like. Do you mean the jaws of life and she said “you don’t know what the jar of life is?”
She’s sitting next to me scrolling through a facebook meme page scream laughing and showing me literally every post and saying “what’s wrong? Are you okay” if I don’t laugh hard enough
being 25 is like: im dying. im living my best life. im a failure. my life hasnt started. everything interesting has already happened to me. im achieving my dreams. im cutting my hair with kitchen scissors. im starting a skincare routine. im a corporate professional. im a sellout. im out of groceries. i have too many groceries. i am never going to be successful. i am going to win a hugo award before im 30. im crazy. im boring. i need to finish this essay. i need to finish this story. i need to start a newsletter. i need to start tweeting more. i need to stop tweeting. i need to ghost all my friends. i need to tell my friends i love them. i need to find a new apartment. i need to take out the trash. i am the trash that needs to be taken out.
This just hit me. I’m so Southern my family has a matriarch and no one in the family knows for sure how old she is. We all also got into a heated debate about the existence of her glass eye (still not confirmed). She’s in her 90s- we think- beat cancer, outlived two husbands, had seven children and has outlived three of them, survived The Great Depression, and either her dad or her grandfather was a full blooded Cherokee Indian… possibly the tribe’s leader but no one really knows for sure.
She also once lit into my dad’s school bus driver, cussing him black and blue about how he treated the kids and didn’t realize she had a butcher’s knife in her hand until he RAN away. She didn’t have any more trouble out of him.
…I wish to know how and why this just occured to you, please
I had an eloquent reason but really what it boils down to is I think Mamaw is a cryptid. The running joke in the family is that Mamaw will be at the end of the world with the twinkies and the cockroaches.
I’m not sure it’s a joke anymore, I think it’s a premonition.
Two years ago one of my cousins wanted to bring her wife to thanksgiving and Joe was all “ew no way” and Mamaw stood her ass up and said “Who the hell do you think you are, saying who is and isn’t welcome in my house? This ain’t your house- you get out! I say who is welcome and YOU is not welcome. Now SCAT!” while slapping at him and then sat back down and asked my cousin if her wife ate catfish. Joe tried to come back in and she popped the tennis balls off her walker and threw them at him until he left
No matter how old Mamaw gets, her hair is still solid black. She still hasn’t gone gray and she’s never once died her hair. Her kids all have heads full of gray hair, and my father- her grandson- is starting to go gray. Mamaw? Nothing. I swear she looks exactly the same as she did when I was a kid.
Mamaw got Covid-19. She presented with symptoms and was rushed to the ER with a dangerously high fever and next to no oxygen. The doctors took note of her age (she’s apparently 93 as best she can guess) and her vitals and, well, Mamaw wasn’t gonna make it past Monday.
By Sunday night the fever was gone and she was complaining that the hospital didn’t get WWE and she was gonna “miss my wrasslin shows!”.
She was home and completely fine by Tuesday. By Wednesday she was calling up the anti-maskers in our family just to call them idiots and hang up.
Gods above, your Mamaw would scare Cthulu into submission.
Mamaw would probably fish Cthulhu out of the sea and fry him up along with the catfish
one of my favorite articles ever touches on why anne frank is more popular than eli wiesl, and i think that same sentiment applies to why we focus on the goyishe saviors and not the jewish rebels, on the liberation of auschwitz and not the bombing debate
goyim are allowed to reblog this
another thing they don’t teach in school is that the warsaw ghetto uprising was not like, jews trying to free themselves, it was jews trying to decide the circumstances of their own deaths. they already knew they were fucked and decided to go out guns blazing. it was in response to notices being posted announcing their imminent deportation to concentration camps
the key to art is not giving a shit. not giving a goddamn shit. you gotta go to your sketchbook or computer or whatever and just draw free. no rules. do what you want and what feels right. if it looks like shit? no it doesn’t. keep going. keep drawing. you have a skill that is so rare and to keep it is the greatest gift of all.
While I’ve been making an effort to avoid MCU content on my dash these days, this costume break down is too delicious not to share. I don’t care what the setting is, analysis of minutiae like this is my jam.
they’re shutting down yahoo answers in a month….future generations will never know how is babby formed…..they will never plumb the depths of digital knowledge asking “does spider have pusspuss?”……they will never know if they can name their band radiohead 2……..this is the modern burning of the library of alexandria. all those answers lost forever……RIP
